Really, Zach Altivito? Shouldn’t you know better by now?

This strapping, meaty musclehead is just minding his own business in the middle or the ring, looking tight and taut in his gray camo stripper trunks. He’s cleancut. He’s cute as a button. And he’s just. Not. Ready. Like seriously, dude...nothing good ever happens to guys standing stupidly mid-ring just stretching and looking pretty! 

Enter the Ravaging Savages! They’re petulant, powerful, and positively primeval. And they’re back to inflict more primitive pain in their leopard print togs and thongs. A blurry vision of beards, and hair, and compact musculature, barreling over the ropes. 

“What, are you guys from the jungle or something? Feral children? Brothers?” Altivito mumbles, only to find himself being pulled apart like a primordial wishbone, then wrapped up like a muscular maypole with his arms as the ribbons! Watch with sadistic glee as the barefoot beard bros do everything in their power to rip the big guy apart. 

Lets are stretched beyond endurance. Soles of feet are pressed firmly into camo-clad packages. Two sets of arms wrap around that massive torso, lock firmly around that strong jaw, and yank that cleancut head forcefully backward, until Altivito finds himself being buried, drowned, and drained beneath an avalanche of roaring, sweating, hairy, bearded brutality!

Total Run-time: 22 minutes